I haven't felt like blogging at all lately. There is so much going on in my mind and heart, and I just don't even feel like writing about it. I am reminded of why I never kept a diary as a kid, and have always hated journaling as an adult. When I am gone, there will be no great records of all of the wonderful and profound things I thought about for my progeny to comb through. I guess I'm much more of a talker, and to be honest, I don't even feel like talking so much these days - who knows. I guess all I can say is that this whole adoption journey takes some energy - it makes me feel a lot more introspective, and not so interested in hearing myself talk (amazing as that seems!) Still, in the spirit of recording the process for posterity, I felt obligated to produce a New Years entry, so here it is. :o)
The holidays have been lovely. We have everything we need and so very much more. Eugene had a much-needed vacation from work. After not taking a day off in six months (with the exception of Thanksgiving weekend, during which he had oral surgery!) it was so good for all of us to have him home just hanging out for eleven wonderful days! We intentionally scheduled almost nothing, and boy did we all need it! I didn't spend much energy worrying with menu-planning, christmas shopping or gift-wrapping this year. Still, we made it through the season with more than ample Christmas toys, delicious foods and lots of family time playing games, working puzzles, and just vegging.
As our trip to Ukraine is rapidly approaching, I guess it's natural that our family kind of experiences everything through that lens. With everything we do, we all find ourselves thinking of how that activity will be when Lera and Vitalik are here to be included in it. This might be easier, that might be more complicated, this will be fun, that will be exciting, and so on. Most of our musings are upbeat and filled with hope and joy. Still, on some level, I think it's only fair to say that none of us can really relax until our new family members are safely home, occupying the rooms that we have prepared for them, laughing at our horrible pronunciations of the Russian phrases we've been learning, eating at our crowded dinner table, fighting for the best chairs during tv-time, and just settling into their new lives here with us. We are all doing our best to enjoy the beautiful life we have here, but we ALL want Lera and Vitalik here with us, and the waiting is HARD.
Another local family, the Paulsons, visited our kids' orphanage this past week. They were the first of the families adopting from the summer program to get their SDA appointment, and the timing happened to work out so that they visited the kids for a few days surrounding the Christmas holiday. They were so kind to take our small gifts to Lera and Vitalik, and even emailed us photos showing a play-by-play of them opening our humble packages. We are told that the kids were really thrilled to receive our gifts of gloves, hats, candycanes, gum, and (best of all) musical christmas cards that allowed us to record the little brothers singing along to the tinny recorded christmas songs. It was fun to see photos of them laughing and smiling as they opened our packages. We were then able to email back pictures to show them a preview of life at home with their new family. We sent pictures of our extended family gathering for our gift exchange, playing cards on the family room floor, the kids playing wii in their pajamas, eugene standing in the kitchen eating left-overs out of a plastic container... the no-frills photo tour of life at home with the Cline family. We then were able to receive more pictures of them smiling and goofing off, and simple emails saying how thrilled they seemed to see more of life here - that the pictures seemed to help make it more real for them. I find myself quite unable to express what a gift this was. I guess the best way for me to say it is that I really felt like these few days of glorious increased communication probably helped to prepare the kids for the time they will soon be spending with us, and vice versa.
So now we are at T-minus 2 weeks and counting. If this story were a movie, we would simply skip this time and move ahead to scenes with us sleeping on an airplane, going through customs in Ukraine, getting out of the car, thanking our driver, and joyfully greeting our gorgeous teenagers at the orphanage. Then after a couple of profound, miraculously translated conversations, we could skip forward again through the six-week process in Ukraine to the hugs-and-tears scene as we welcome them at the Raleigh airport, drive them home and show them their new rooms. But of course, this is real life, and blessedly, we have to (and get to) live each day whether we want to or not.
We have been trying HARD to really live each of these days that we are so tempted to fast-forward through, and some days we even get a few things right. In particular, we have been trying to look at our computer screens and gadgets less and look into our children's eyes more, reading their new books, playing their new games, taking time to really listen to them talk excitedly about the monster they are trying to beat on the really hard level in the video game they are currently working to master, listening to the insanely beautiful sound of their giggles, drinking in their gorgeous smiles. They are so beautiful. I mean, they drive us out of our minds frequently, but man they're amazing and it is really awesome when we do remember to take the time to just treasure them.
I think it's safe to say that for Eugene and me, loving all of the children in our family and extended family has been the greatest joy of our lives. We treasure each one of them, and we are so thankful for the roles we are privileged to play in each of their lives. Our hearts are so prepared to receive into our brood, our two new beautiful kids, Vitalik and Lera. We already love them completely, unconditionally, period. It is our greatest goal as their parents that they will know deep in their bones that they are fully loved, and that they are truly safe. It will be a great privilege of our lives to be their parents, and we sincerely cannot wait to get on with it!
Happy New Year! :o)
This is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. I can feel your pain of waiting, but then I can't really understand it fully. Adoption is beautiful and I can only say that each day is a true miracle when you look at your child and know that they are yours and were always meant to be yours. Everyday, we look at our children as both of them being a gift to us for only a short time as they truly belong to God. We thank God that He let us be a part of His glorious plan to raise two beautiful children. Biological or not, we are the lucky ones, although more people will tell you that the kids are so lucky to have you. They are, but you feel in your heart that you and your husband are the ones that really hit the jackpot. You answered His call and you are the keeper of His children, and for that we are all grateful. Love to you all, and you will have a blessed New Year!! The year you will never forget.
ReplyDeleteSherry Lee
I know it wasn't easy to find the time or energy to capture these deep and beautiful thoughts, but you did it! Well done. One day you and the kids will be so glad to be able to look back and know what was going through your hearts and minds. This was time well spent! :o)
ReplyDelete